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Walk With A Purpose: Hayden's Story

sdlclivesinme:

Mod note: Hello SDLC! The mods are here with a special post from a fellow SDLC 2010 veteran. He posted it on our Facebook group earlier today, and we felt like it was necessary to share his story, exactly as he shared it with us.

Hi everyone. I’ve been debating whether or not to post this because I’m so ashamed, but I’m going to throw it out there anyways. Here goes.
Since the beginning of this school year, I’ve had the crap bullied out of me, presumably because I’m a transman. I’ve been called a faggot, a tranny, a dyke, told I’m not a real man, I can’t be trans because I like boys, even the president of my GSA thought it was okay to tell me to “Go suck a dick, you faggot.” 
I reported it to my school but each time they told me that until the bullies came and confessed, they had to assume I was making it up. I think it’s important to note that last year, a black girl reported ONE INCIDENT of harassment and the school shut down for a day and had mandatory anti-bullying meetings. To the best of my knowledge, the bully never confessed.
Obviously, because they had the tacit consent of the administration, my harassment continued. People on my campus threatened to hurt me, which, obviously, terrified me. No one would help me. 
On December 2nd, while some of you were at SDLC learning to teach others to embrace diversity, I was trying to kill myself in my dorm room. If I was going to die, I was going to do it on my own terms. I was not going to be another murder victim name read at the Transgender Day of Remembrance. 
When I got back from the hospital the next day, I was informed that I had been kicked out of school because my suicide attempt had made other students “distraught.” 
I came out at SDLC a year ago. I was proud of who I was. I wanted to fight back. That was, until my mother, my psychiatrist, the school administration, EVERYONE told me that I deserved what happened because I came out. 
And I don’t want to believe them, but I’m starting to. I’m a friendly, caring, intelligent person. I never hurt anyone. I didn’t do anything wrong except I came out as a fucking tranny. And apparently, that act alone is enough to make it okay for people to hurt me. I’m so horrified that there’s something so hideously wrong with me that it justifies my murder. I can’t even put into words how that feels. 
I’m going back into the closet. I threw away my boy stuff, even though it killed me on the inside, and, for the first time in a year, I’m not binding my chest. What do I do? How do I move on from here? How to I go back to being Hannah when I’m Hayden? 
Anyways, thanks for reading. I’m sorry to dump this on you guys, I guess I just needed to get some shit off of my chest.

~Hayden (http://silenceistacitconsent.tumblr.com/)

Hayden is someone with true courage. Everybody should read this and know how much hatred hurts. This seriously brought me to tears. Nobody should ever have to deal with that kind of bull shit and it needs to come to an end. 

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